Along with the usual stressors of
childhood and growing up, gifted kids have unique dilemmas which can
increase their stress. They may find it difficult to accept their
gifts and talents along with their limitations. They may become aware
that they are "different" at the same time they are developing a
strong sense of belonging with their peers. They may also have
difficulty drawing the fine line between excelling and attempting
perfection. All children respond differently to stress. Here are some
common signs:
Loses perspective and sense of
humor -- is no longer excited or happy about school, activities,
achievements, or friends. May resent parents, teachers, or new
assignments.
Is bored, tired, and listless.
Suffers from sleeplessness, or has
difficulty waking up.
Overreacts to everyday events;
feels "trapped" or out of control.
Develops nervous habits like
stuttering, blinking, or head shaking.
Complains of ailments, headaches,
stomachaches, or is frequently ill.
Needs constant support and
reassurance.
Acts out aggressively, and seeks
attention.
Is just plain exhausted --
physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Unhealthy Coping
If your child shows any signs of
stress, her symptoms could be a sign that she is trying to cope with
her anxieties unsuccessfully. She could be:
Not trying because
failure is too risky.
Many gifted children link their self-worth and identity with how
highly they achieve. For these perfectionists, any failure is a
terrible blow to their sense of self-esteem.
Not trying because coasting is
simply easier.
Kids who try to just "get by" on the path of least resistance may be
bored in school, or believe that playing down their abilities will
win them social acceptance. But underachievement can set the stage
for later guilt and a sense of personal failure.
Trying too hard.
Too many courses, too many activities, fussing over assignments,
seeking perfection in every detail -- an overload of external and
internal pressures can lead to burnout.
The fake -- and potentially
dangerous -- escape.
Drugs, alcohol, overeating, under eating, sleeping too much or too
little -- all lead to withdrawal, avoidance, and more serious
problems.
Healthy Coping
A dose of perspective, support,
humor, and motivation can make a big difference. Encourage your child
to:
Take a break.
Schedule time-outs for fun, put away the books, go for a walk or a
run, listen to mindless music, shoot hoops. Do nothing for a change
-- if only for a little while.
Work for personal satisfaction.
Teach your child to work to please himself and to savor moments of
personal satisfaction. Be supportive. Focus on improvement and
effort rather than comparison with others. As long as he's working
purposefully, thoughtfully, and thoroughly, he doesn't have to excel
at everything. Everyone needs to be cherished and to love himself,
even if he doesn't "win" or take first place. Help him draw the
oh-so-fine line between excellence and perfection.
Hang out with friends and
family. Help your child develop social skills by encouraging her to
spend time with those people with whom she can truly be herself. To
vent. To talk it out. To find an "ear" and try out possible
solutions. If your child sees others laughing at their own mistakes,
she might learn to do the same.
Confront the source of stress. Ask the teacher for an extension. Help your child learn to say
"no" gracefully. Suggest skills that make tasks easier. Flexibility
is important. Encourage your child to seek creative solutions to
rules he doesn't like or can't live with. No one likes a "wise guy"
-- he should work out acceptable ways for making and changing the
rules and act accordingly. If your child's ability level is
mismatched to a school program, by all means speak up on her behalf.
But remember: Giftedness is no excuse for rudeness. Work with the
program so your child can learn empathy, teamwork, and tolerance.
Exercise and eat well. Physical activity burns off muscle tension built up from burying
stress. Eating good meals with enjoyable friends and family should
be a daily treat.
Lastly, be available for guidance and
advice. Many gifted kids seem very mature and talk a good game, but
they're still kids and need limits, values, and guidelines. Most
haven't lived long enough to gain wisdom about making decisions, and
they need someone to bounce around the pros and cons of anything from
which activities to join, to friends and peer pressure, to college
admissions. Don't be afraid to state your feelings either. Gifted
students, although bright, aren't mind readers. They have the facts
and lots of them, but need the accumulated wisdom and loving guidance
of parents who care. Your help will go a long way in reducing their
stress.
